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Heeeyyyyyy… Farty Pants!!

Flatulence in the elevator? Take our Quiz! Win a Whoopie Cushion?

When the shit goes down, I usually :

A. Pretend it wasn’t me!

B. Ask someone to open a window?

C. Kill the obvious offender (or the person I find the most offensive)

If someone is convinced it was me :

A. Let out a second blast to confirm and stand my ground while proudly stating “it’s not THAT bad”

B. Strangle my ass by crossing my thighs and hoping for the best !!!!

C. Deny, deny, deny. Lie through my teeth like the guilty motherfucker I am!

To be continued… (as soon as this cloud clears!)

We really miss Bill Hicks

  • I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, “Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.” This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don’t think a Marlboro Light’s gonna faze him that much.

DOUBLE TAP: 

  • You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know. During the Persian Gulf war, those intelligence reports would come out: “Iraq: incredible weapons – incredible weapons.” “How do you know that?” “Uh, well … we looked at the receipts. But as soon as that check clears, we’re goin’ in. What time’s the bank open? Eight? We’re going in at nine. We’re going in for God and country and democracy and here’s a fetus and he’s a Hitler. Whatever you fucking need, let’s go. Get motivated behind this, let’s go!”

“The average American watches 30 hours of TV a week…THAT is what makes them average!”- Mr. Anonymous®

500x_deckcardsfanned

Really hate to add to the stack of shit that’s been passing for News this past month, but I gots-ta-say-it – ENOUGH! with the fucking “coverage” of his Royal Assclown – Da Donald Duck Fuck. Duh.
Read the rest of this entry »

Hitler 2.0 or just Donald Fuck?

cob-and-corn
Just trying to decide on the naming convention to use for the next four to eight (fuck noooo!!) years to refer to this complete asshole the amerkins recently elected to office.

Somehow either just doesn`t seem extreme enough. If you`re looking for the definition of the word `terror-ist-a` you will only have to wait until fuckface tightens àmerica’s grip on the world stage. You just KNOW the reason`s he`s sucking Putine`s dick is because THAT asshole is the ONLY other world `leader?`(can I say LEADER and TRUMP in the same sentence without a vomit bag handy?) that won`t use their military muscle as long as Trump remains a capilist pig and keeps wiring the money to Moscow!!

The Chinese may actually bomb his sorry ass and he knows it. Problem with that scenario is those toys at McDonalds will quadruple in price and the profits will plunge. Don`t forget, Donny wants another term…

What more to say? Leave a comment below with your suggestions for naming dickhead and we`ll pick the best from the list.

Vote for your fave by clicking the thumbs up or down and let`s see what we get. I vote shit head! because it can`t be anything other than crap on that guy`s head that did all the damage to his hair like that.

GO!! Patriots

Narcissist? Clown? or Both

GOP

Hey REDNECKS – Dump Trump before you wake up and find out he sold your farm while you was sleepin’! We both know you ain’t got no educachun – but do you really have to prove you’re (downright) fuckng STOOPID? America is going to destroy itself without any terrorists needed – FEAR is all it takes.

Vote for the woman, morons (she’s the one with the tits an cigar-fucking husband from wayback, remember?) Put down yer gun(s) and pick up a fucking pencil for once!

WHY is this stoopid fuck still in the running for prez?

So i zip across the pond for Paris in the Spring – fly back 10 days later and ol’ pecker-head STILL hasn’t been neutered? SERIOUSLY – the clown show is over America.

ttes

STOP fucking around! Obama is leaving and ain’t coming back. “People get ready” is not just a great lyric, now IS the time to pick up the pieces and start to restore your country to it’s former glory. Hilary’s your best bet – Trump, not so much.

WAKE UP!

And we’re back..!

Some take 2 weeks vacation – we took 5 years! Refreshed, Horny, Ready to fuck SOMEBODY up. Grumpy Trump?? Let me know – write a comment!

Trumps

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