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Archive for Jokes

COVID CRAZY: unnecessary update

Thank fuck I’m NOT an Amerikin! I am reminded of that joyous reality every time I’m forced to endure yet another farcical update from that land of redneck morons…

Stupidity and Guns; the USA in a nutshell.
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Will Democracy return to America?

There’s NO FUCKING WAY you voted for that stupid prick Donny Dumbass if you read our blog. Everyone knows that most Republicants can’t read for shit. They watch television instead.

Because Fox News creates an alternate reality for its viewers. (I’m serious!)

So long as so many millions drink the Kool-Aid, that country will remain at an impasse. The good news? Younger USA viewers aren’t nearly as thirsty for what Fox is serving.

DUMP TRUMP is finally coming to fruition JUST in time for Thanksgiving. Hopefully by Christmas, Santa will bring the best gift possible – certain impeachment!

This little assclown has tweeted his last insult…

WAR is always about Land+Money

The Vietnam draft was WHITE People sending BLACK People to make war on the YELLOW People to defend land they stole from THE RED PEOPLE !

BLACK FRIDAY? How about WHITE FRIDAY?

Neo-nazi groups across the U.S. have mobilized in protest of what they perceive to be prejudicial treatment at the hands of retailers.

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It’s « DUMP TRUMP » TUESDAY !

Really. C’mon America, you can do it ! The rest of the world will support you.

Make America Great again – take out the trash !

My disgusting night at the movies.

We believe Michigan and it’s people are so far north that they may actually qualify as Complimentary Canadians – they can THINK for themselves. (No FOX TV 🙂

As most of our listeners know, we are NOT Amerikins. In fact we believe in every other country, EXCEPT America. Here’s yet another reason why…

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Cosby declared Sexual Predator.

William H. Cosby Jr. spokesperson Andrew Wyatt told reporters in the afternoon that the entertainer was in “great, great” spirits.

We tell him to stay strong and stay focused, and he’s focused on Mrs. Cosby, and that’s what matters in his family,” Wyatt said. “He’s a great guy. He’s still America’s Dad, and they won’t ever take that away. You can’t take away the legacy.Read the rest of this entry »

It’s time to stop killing animals.

“Cunting” is a way of life in some countries (U.K) but it’s 2018!

Listen in 2019 as we hunt the hunters and explain what the word “civilization” means.

NEWZ! « This is NOT Amerika®

German Chancellor Angela Merkel and THE REST OF THE WORLD attempt to reason with the spoon-fed U.S. schoolboy. EMBARRASSING!

After 10 years at this, we’re bringing back an oldie but goodie. Starting in October 2018, we will crack open the audio vault and re-release highlights and Newlights of our award-winning series on fucked-up America.

We tried to stay away, but this trump fucker just keeps getting stupider and stupider! In short, there is just TOO MUCH FREE comedy GOLD to resist. This MORON keeps handing out beauties that just beg to be fondled…

STAY TUNED ! (Sorry, but this content will be restricted to our paid companion PodShow℠ subscribers only) Become a Member today!

Heeeyyyyyy… Farty Pants!!

Flatulence in the elevator? Take our Quiz! Win a Whoopie Cushion?

When the shit goes down, I usually :

A. Pretend it wasn’t me!

B. Ask someone to open a window?

C. Kill the obvious offender (or the person I find the most offensive)

If someone is convinced it was me :

A. Let out a second blast to confirm and stand my ground while proudly stating “it’s not THAT bad”

B. Strangle my ass by crossing my thighs and hoping for the best !!!!

C. Deny, deny, deny. Lie through my teeth like the guilty motherfucker I am!

To be continued… (as soon as this cloud clears!)

We really miss Bill Hicks

  • I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, “Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.” This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don’t think a Marlboro Light’s gonna faze him that much.

DOUBLE TAP: 

  • You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know. During the Persian Gulf war, those intelligence reports would come out: “Iraq: incredible weapons – incredible weapons.” “How do you know that?” “Uh, well … we looked at the receipts. But as soon as that check clears, we’re goin’ in. What time’s the bank open? Eight? We’re going in at nine. We’re going in for God and country and democracy and here’s a fetus and he’s a Hitler. Whatever you fucking need, let’s go. Get motivated behind this, let’s go!”

“The average American watches 30 hours of TV a week…THAT is what makes them average!”- Mr. Anonymous®

500x_deckcardsfanned

Really hate to add to the stack of shit that’s been passing for News this past month, but I gots-ta-say-it – ENOUGH! with the fucking “coverage” of his Royal Assclown – Da Donald Duck Fuck. Duh.
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Hitler 2.0 or just Donald Fuck?

cob-and-corn
Just trying to decide on the naming convention to use for the next four to eight (fuck noooo!!) years to refer to this complete asshole the amerkins recently elected to office.

Somehow either just doesn`t seem extreme enough. If you`re looking for the definition of the word `terror-ist-a` you will only have to wait until fuckface tightens àmerica’s grip on the world stage. You just KNOW the reason`s he`s sucking Putine`s dick is because THAT asshole is the ONLY other world `leader?`(can I say LEADER and TRUMP in the same sentence without a vomit bag handy?) that won`t use their military muscle as long as Trump remains a capilist pig and keeps wiring the money to Moscow!!

The Chinese may actually bomb his sorry ass and he knows it. Problem with that scenario is those toys at McDonalds will quadruple in price and the profits will plunge. Don`t forget, Donny wants another term…

What more to say? Leave a comment below with your suggestions for naming dickhead and we`ll pick the best from the list.

Vote for your fave by clicking the thumbs up or down and let`s see what we get. I vote shit head! because it can`t be anything other than crap on that guy`s head that did all the damage to his hair like that.

GO!! Patriots

Narcissist? Clown? or Both

GOP

Hey REDNECKS – Dump Trump before you wake up and find out he sold your farm while you was sleepin’! We both know you ain’t got no educachun – but do you really have to prove you’re (downright) fuckng STOOPID? America is going to destroy itself without any terrorists needed – FEAR is all it takes.

Vote for the woman, morons (she’s the one with the tits an cigar-fucking husband from wayback, remember?) Put down yer gun(s) and pick up a fucking pencil for once!

WHY is this stoopid fuck still in the running for prez?

So i zip across the pond for Paris in the Spring – fly back 10 days later and ol’ pecker-head STILL hasn’t been neutered? SERIOUSLY – the clown show is over America.

ttes

STOP fucking around! Obama is leaving and ain’t coming back. “People get ready” is not just a great lyric, now IS the time to pick up the pieces and start to restore your country to it’s former glory. Hilary’s your best bet – Trump, not so much.

WAKE UP!

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