It is the general consensus amongst non-smokers that those who do partake of the tobacco, which is laced with many deadly, yet delicious chemicals, neatly wrapped in pretty paper, are the literal equivalent to the literal scum that resides on this earth. In the name of health, and in efforts to rid our society of such foulness, or merely to straight up piss off highly addicted, murderously stressed to fuck smokers, bars and night clubs across the nation continue to ban smoking within their establishments. So, not only are smokers shunned by McDonald’s and other choke ‘n’ puke eateries, but they are also segregated from their fellow booze hounds and barflies. Boohoo!
Fortunately, leading tobacco manufacturer and evil genius, R.J. Reynolds, has devised a brilliant solution that will benefit both smokers and non.
Introducing…tobacco products that conveniently dissolve in the mouth!
Each one of these dissolvable treats melts in your mouth within 30 minutes, the pellet sized Orbs lasting the longest, making them economically, the bestest best choice. By comparison, these little trips to flavor country far surpass those of a cigarette, not only in longevity, but in strength, too!
Typically, a smoker intakes 1 milligram of nicotine. Camel Sticks, Orbs and Strips deliver up to 3.1 milligrams of nicotine! Woohoo! And as an added incentive, these particular smokeless tobacco products are spit free. POW! Put that in your pipe and smoke it, you nasty ass chewers!
Thanks to the forward thinking of R.J. Reynolds and the fucked up ethics of our government and it’s factions, i.e. the FDA, millions of people will soon be able to kill themselves more quickly than slowly without slowly killing those around them.