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NEWZ! « This is NOT Amerika®

German Chancellor Angela Merkel and THE REST OF THE WORLD attempt to reason with the spoon-fed U.S. schoolboy. EMBARRASSING!

After 10 years at this, we’re bringing back an oldie but goodie. Starting in October 2018, we will crack open the audio vault and re-release highlights and Newlights of our award-winning series on fucked-up America.

We tried to stay away, but this trump fucker just keeps getting stupider and stupider! In short, there is just TOO MUCH FREE comedy GOLD to resist. This MORON keeps handing out beauties that just beg to be fondled…

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PROMISE KEEPER | daffy duffel


Up at the top of my closet there is a duffel bag. It only gets opened when there is coke or speed in my system and I don’t know why. Needless to say, I got the step stool out of the laundry room and took it to my closet. The sea of clothing parted as I leaned against them and my fingers touched the rough, duffel fabric. My grip brought it to me and I carried it down. Read the rest of this entry »

The Road through Alcoholism…

Once again Kentucky deluxe comes to mind.

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louis | Suicide is Painful…

my knees hurt. the arthritis foundation wants money. the surgeons. recommend i get a new job.
my doctor recommends i go back to work.
i cant walk around the block.
one morning
my knees hurt
dreadful
my moans dont wake the wife
i call the mental health clinic
its too early
i push 1..1 is the suicide button
the rest is a blur
i am in my first psychiatric ward
i cry cry cry
i cant see thru the tears
5 days 5 days 5 days
what happened to 72 hour observation?
i make friend. i love mentally ill people.
i demand to be released when a homicidal maniac enters the ward and takes my room
i have to share a room with an apnea blast furnace
i demand freedom.
i wind up in the senior ward and i am medicated enough to hijack karaoke night for two hours.
i am singing ” white wedding” by billy idol when they pull the plug.
retreat to my room with diaper man and a great wall of concrete feces
all the smells the accompany white wedding diaper blocks of the great block of the senior ward and a mattress that smells like urine.
i’m not bagging on seniors. one day i hope to make a psychiatric ward smell that way.
the next day i demand to see the authorities and they are dismayed by the way i can weave facts and fiction into the kinds of headlines the might snatch some attention.
i am returned to the ward from which i came.
the whole ordeal was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.
i need pills and booze and i am much better at talking the talk with mental patients that i meet here and there.
i have a new audience.
of course this is an outline
a sketch from the bracelet makers everywhere

WHO says the British are shy?

crown_jewels_imperial_crown_queen_of_england

Imperial Crown of the Queen of England

LONDON  — Queen Elizabeth II was at home at Windsor Castle, the sentries who guard her were on duty, and the large park surrounding the magnificent building was full of tourists on a Sunday afternoon. So it didn’t take long for people to realize that something was out of order when an inebriated couple arrived from a nearby restaurant and began having sex on a grass bank outside the castle, according to witnesses.
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