Step-by-Step Guide to Using a Chinese Public Bathroom

March 12, 2008 at 11:16 pm · Filed under Commie Bastards, Quickies and tagged: China, chinese toilets, Crap, shitstorm

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Preparation
Make sure you have tissues, sanitizer, and especially your P-Mate out of your bags. Post up your bags on the hooks, and if there are none provided make sure you have your bags securely fastened (duct tape?) so they don’t fall or swing out while you are relieving yourself.

Assume the Position
As I soon learned, the ridges on either side of the bowl are for your feet (not your knees). Here’s the trick: unfasten your pants/shorts and lower both your trousers and your underwear at the same time. You’ll have to push them just past your knees, to that spot that allows them to sit fixed in that position. At this point, your fanny will be hanging in the wind so-to-speak, and you should be in a squatting position.Re-Alignment
Before you let it go, you’ll need to make sure that you are as low as possible and that your pants (especially if they are baggy) are tucked up and in a position away from possible splash-back.

 

Let it GO!
Hopefully this process will take longer than reading these instructions, because at this point your legs are going to start to get sore. If there is a wall or a door, use that to support yourself.

Clean Up
If there is a basket next to the bowl, like the one in the picture above, your tissues should go in there. If there isn’t a basket, then you simply dispose of the tissues down the bowl itself.

Oh yeah, be sure to tip the person who just watched you crap!
(JUST kidding:-)

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