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The bullshit behind Scientology’s creepy smiles

David Miscarriage wants your money.

The “Church” of Scientology is an American cash cult that masquerades as a religion for tax purposes. I know people who have been suckered into their smiley, glad-handing, deceitful machinations. Distasteful and Dangerous. 

To fight these retards, you must first be able to decipher their fucked up lexicon.  So here are a few favorite “words” from their Scientolospeak glossary :

Suppressive Person (SP)

Anyone who has anything bad to say about these assholes, runs the risk of excommunication (without even being a member of their so-called church) once they are “declared” (a suppressive person.)

Game over. NOBODY will talk to you for fear of contamination 🙂

Suppressive Person – an evil person; someone who criticizes Scientology in any way. (the two are one and the same in the cult) SPs are the cult’s 1984 Goldsteins, and give definition to the group and a common enemy. Supposedly, some large fraction of the total population is composed of these “anti-social” characters, variously cited as 2% or 20%. Hubbard listed 12 traits of the SP, such as talking in generalities, criticism, and so forth. SPs are formally “declared” with a goldenrod issue, and lists are kept of these dangerous people.

Introspection Rundown (IRD)

A therapy for handling psychotic breaks in the cult. Involves locking the person up to prevent bad PR with the isolation step, also called “baby watch”. Sometimes instilling such wacky ideas as Xenu, Body Thetans and OT III can make people a bit unstable; the IRD is used to contain people when they flip out.


Psychiatrists and psychologists. Seen by the paranoid cult as being the ultimate in evil and corruption on Earth; out to destroy us all by cutting out our brains with transorbital leucotomies, or zapping us into submission with electro-convulsive therapy (ECT), or zombifying us with selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like Ritalin and Prozac. The cult front-group called the Citizen’s Commission on Human Rights (CCHR), a la Orwell, is dedicated to destroying these evil beings known as Psychs, but who are really members of the fifth galactic invader force, qv.


Present Time, the here and now. “SPs are stuck in an incident in the past; they need to be brought up to PT.”


Potential Trouble Source. Someone who is in contact with an SP, a Suppressive or anti-Scientology person, and therefore may cause trouble for the cult. “Mary is a PTS Type III.” Adjective; “She is PTS to that Wholetrack SP on her lines.” See also individual types of PTS – 1 to 3, and A to J, SP, Disconnection.

PTS/SP Course

A training pack that deals with how to handle and disconnect from SPs (Suppressive Persons; people who disagree with Scientology) that are enturbulating (disturbing) you, usually in one’s immediate family.

PTS Type One

A person who has an SP in contact with them, trying to help them get out of the cult.

PTS Type Two

A person who has an SP in their past who they can’t name. A catch-all for people who don’t improve using the unworkable quack therapy of Scientology.

PTS Type Three

A person suffering a psychotic breakdown due to connection with an anti-Scientologist or psychiatrist, supposedly. Often this label is applied to people who flip under the incredible strain of Scientology’s paranoid bullshit. PTS Type Three’s are then placed on the Introspection Rundown, where they are locked up to hide them from authorities, who don’t like to see people driven round the bend by the cult, and may make waves.

PTS Type A

People intimately connected with SPs through family or marital ties who are likely to have help getting out of the cult or be exposed to the other side of the question.

PTS Type B


PTS Type C

People who make legal threats against the cult, or who publicly attack Scientology.

PTS Type D

People who believe that Scientology is responsible for what it did to them, who won’t buy the line that they are completely responsible for all the destructive things the cult does and won’t accept that the victim is solely to blame for any mishaps.

PTS Type E

People who are forced into being audited by others. To be effective, the impetus must seem to come from within, then they only have themselves to blame.

PTS Type F

People who aren’t certain that Scientology’s quack therapy works, and want to test it.

PTS Type G

Rich or influential people who want free quack auditing “therapy” based on their status.

PTS Type H

Open minded people who aren’t certain and 100% dedicated to Scientology, as the cult demands.

PTS Type I

People who do not believe that they can get better using the cult’s quack therapy, thus the placebo effect will be weakened.

PTS Type J

People who are likely to have a critical bent regarding Scientology, who may not swallow the BS in one big gulp – judges, boards, newspaper reporters, magazine writers, etc.


The Purification Rundown. A cleansing process, intended to remove drugs supposedly stored in body fat through running, taking megadoses of vitamins and minerals, and sweating in a sauna for hours every day. The Purif costs roughly $1,500, and takes about two weeks to do. There is no scientific evidence to back up the cult of Scientology’s claims about the supposed benefits of the Purif. See Grades, Guk Bomb, Dianazene.

More about Purification Rundown.

Put a head on a pike

A Hubbardian policy learned apparently from Vlad the Impaler to intimidate critics by taking their leader and doing their worst to him or her through harassment, lawsuits, frame-ups, etc. in the hope that this will scare others off. “OSA and RTC have really put a head on a pike in the media industry with Time/Warner being sued for 400 million dollars; the libel chill should make other magazines think twice before writing about Scientology.”


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