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the valium she dropped and the crank flashlight

yeah, that’s right. a crank flashlight.
if you happen to live in a meth mega-center, a crank flashlight might sound like a flashlight that a tweaker must carry to look for things in the night.
things that go bump in the night. like a face. looking through binoculars and what do i see? other binoculars looking back at me.
i quit speed over ? years ago. its my little secret.
but valiums………….now that’s another story.
my wife has a prescription for valiums, and she likes them… a lot.
most people like valiums. the only people i’ve ever met who don’t like valiums are natural born assholes who are addicted to their own assholishness.
she does not give me valiums often. she almost never gives me blue valiums. one night, when she was stoned on weed, she dropped a blue valium.
i don’t know about your house, but when you drop a pill in this house, the weirdest shit happens.
1. it rolls under the microwave, where dusty tumbleweeds obliterate the eyesight.
2. it rolls over to where the cats eat tuna fish cat food that has slopped out of the little cat dish and rotted for the past five years.
3. it bounces and the rolls into the bathroom where it comes to rest in a sticky splotch of urine on the linoleum next to the commode.
4. it lands under the coffee table where we eat. it gets lost behind grains of rice and pieces of broccoli and sandals and besides its indoor/outdoor carpeting that’s been glued to the historical wooden floors that i’ve halfway sanded back to originality, so there are great holes in the carpet for the one blue valium to rest in.
5. i get out my crank/valium flashlight with the high beam on and crawl like a crackhead picking at bits of popcorn in the carpet.
viola!! i have one blue valium.
i let it rest on my tongue, savoring the moment. it tastes bad and i swallow as my eyes close.
6. it wont go down. it burns my throat like a jagged pill from hell. i puke a little bit, and drop to my knees instantly, my hand grasping instinctively for the crank/valium flashlight savior.
7. the little blue pill floats atop the moat of vomit.
8. there is no hesitation.
9. tired now

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