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The Portabella Ass: A Plague In The Fashion World

An increasing number of women suffer from, what I believe to be called, mushroom butt, which is prominent in fluffier women who wear low rise jeans.  Mushroom butt is nothing more than the slight spillage of plumped flesh just above the waist line, which lends the appearance of a mushroom to the rear view of a woman.  The reason for this phenomenon is that desperate women and teenage sluts insist on wearing these low rise jeans because they make the ladies look sexy.  Yeah.

There are several degrees of low rise jeans.  Depending on the brand, the standard low rise usually sits just below a woman’s natural waistline.

This is a good look, especially for women in their 30’s who do not wish to come off as a hooker for hire, because one can achieve a modern, youthful look without appearing to be a fucking whore.

Again, depending on the brand, the super low rise waist sits at a woman’s hips, hence the term “hip huggers.”

Personally, I wear super low rise jeans because I’m a slut, and they lengthen my waist rather nicely.  Admittedly, I often give passers-by a peek at my panties when bending over, and that is precisely why extreme caution should be taken when wearing super low rise and ultra low rise jeans.

If super low rise jeans are borderline slut pants, then ultra low rise jeans are definitely designed for crack whores and strippers, of which I am neither…anymore.  A woman who is working the mushroom butt like it’s nobody’s business shouldn’t even entertain the idea of pulling these suckers over her thick ass.

Please, don’t misunderstand me.  I am not bashing average or plus size women.  I, myself, am not an emaciated twig.  I am, however, sans mushroom butt.  My only goal here is to point out that slut jeans cannot be tastefully worn by all women of all shapes and sizes.  I hardly doubt that I am the only person in existence who finds distasteful sluts in slut jeans visually offensive.

I’m sorry, but there just isn’t a place for mushroom butts in the fashion world…or in the streets, where street walking sluts walk.

[Ed.} Now all you fat assed broads out there can leave this whore some bitchin’ comments. FREAKZ!


  Anonymous wrote @

i love mushroom butt

  Mangaboy in New York wrote @

Damn she got a fat ass!

  Dave from Brisbane wrote @

Sorry, I love mushroom ass and I think you’re liable to find that most red-blooded males are of the same opinion. Jealousy is not becoming of you. 😉

  Mr. Anonymous® wrote @

Spoken like a true assman – go David !!

  joel wrote @

Absolutley lovley ass! I would stick my thoung right in to her gaping asshole, and fuck her hard

  Mr. Anonymous® wrote @

er… careful with that “thoung” Joel. btw, the PORN sites are still working… i’m just sayin’

  Curious George wrote @

Whose ass is this, pray tell?

  Mr. Anonymous® wrote @

Shame on you! Your Mum will be crushed – remember all those Jazzercise lessons she took?

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