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Money. That’s what I want.

I have given a great deal of thought as to what I would purchase if ever I won eleventy bajillion dollars playing the lottery.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I am a selfish sort and would most likely spend all of my cash on every ridiculously frivolous thing that tickled my fancy.  In the event that I should become obscenely wealthy, I have composed a list of items (after no more than 3 seconds of thought) that I realized I absolutely shant live without :

1.  A black (with white racing stripe on the hood), 1970 454 SS Chevelle with cowl induction, a big block, and white fuzzy dice hanging from the rear view mirror.  Because my daddy has one and it is the raddest car in the whole fucking world.

2.  An army green, 1969 two seater AMX, which was manufactured by AMC (The American Motor Company).  Because my daddy used to have one when I was a kid.

3.  A brown and gold, 1977 Javelin, also manufactured by AMC.  Because Javelins kick ass.  And my daddy had one when I was a kid.

4.  One of those fucking huge ass blow up bouncy things that they have for the kiddies at the county fair.  Because the asshole carnies won’t let me get on the one at the fair.  Apparently I am “too big,” and “too drunk” to jump with the children.

5.  A lifetime supply of graham wafer cracker crust, plain (NO FUCKING FRUIT!) New York style cheesecake.  Because I’m a fucking oinker.

6.  My own micro-brewery.  Because I like to get fucking drunk.

7.  My very own roller skating rink, complete with a d.j. and disco ball, added right on to the ass end of my house.  Because rolling skating is straight up wicked, yo!

8.  Al Pacino.  Because I want to hear him say, “Hooowaahh!” whenever I damn well please.

9.  The Detroit Red Wings Hockey Team.  Because the Red Wings are fucking stellar.

10.  A lifetime supply of fudge bars, or as I call them, “fudgicles.”  Because they are yumtastic.  They taste like creamy, dreamy, frozen chocolate milk.

11.  The rights to every fucking Beatle song known to man.  Because Michael fucking Jackson can suck my fucking dick.

12.  Ireland.  Yeah, that’s right.  ALL of it.  Because I like to get fucking drunk.

13.  A built-to-scale replica of the set of “Tombstone,” including the props and costumes.  AND the cast.  But not that pansy ass Jason Priestly.

14.  Joaquin Phoenix.  Because he’s fucking smokin’ hot.

15.  A straw effigy of the following; Yoko Ono; George W. Bush; George Thorogood; George Burns; Boy George; George Michael; Rachael Ray and that squinty eyed girl who plays Dr. Grey on “Grey’s Anatomy.”  Because I like bon-fires.

16.  Bobby.  Because Bobby kicks ass hardcore.

17.  The Michigan Ren. Fest.  The whole 9.  Because I fucking love the Ren. Fest. AND I love tom foolery and shenanigans.

18.  The state and local police departments.  Because I want to do what ever the fuck I want without doing jail time.

19. U2.  Because I want to hear “Bad” and “The Unforgettable Fire” LIVE! everynight before I go to sleep.

20.  A hot new shade of nail polish.  Because I like shiny things.

… to be continued.

 

2 Comments»

  tomachfive wrote @

You win.

  Anonymous wrote @

Hooray! The entire amount of eleventy bajillion dollars?


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