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Sunday: The Follies of Hillary

the U.S. Democratic party's Front-RunnerI am a great fan of Time magazine. I think that this particular periodical exudes class. An example of Time’s high caliber can be seen on the cover of the May 19, 2008 USA issue. The words, “And The Winner* Is…” are displayed next to a photograph of a smiling Senator Barack Obama.

Just below his cheesy grin, in much smaller print, are the words, “*Really, we’re pretty sure this time.” I laughed when first I saw this. I am laughing still. I just love journalistic humor.

Within the contents of this issue, is an article written by Karen Tumulty. It is entitled, “The Mistakes She Made.” The “She” refers to Senator Hillary Clinton. In this piece, Tumulty gives five reasons why the entire United States isn’t standing in line, lips wet and puckered, ready to kiss Hillary’s golden ring.

Mistake numero uno: Tumulty says that Clinton, “completely misread the mood of Democratic-primary voters, who were desperate to turn the page.”

This means that Hillary’s ego was so engorged, she actually thought that the name Clinton alone would give her a leg up.

Mistake numero dos: Tumulty says that Clinton, “picked people for her team primarily for their loyalty to her, instead of their mastery of the game.”

This means that Hillary’s friends are ignorant fucks. Chief strategist Mark Penn stupidly predicted that an early win in California would give Clinton an excellent advantage over Obama, being that there are 370 delegates for said state. Duh! Retard! Democrats apportion their delegates according to vote totals. Are you altogether certain, Mr. Penn, that you’re really not a Republican?

Mistake numero tres: Tumulty says that Clinton, “underestimated the caucus states.” One of her advisors is quoted as saying, “caucus states were really not their thing.”

Hmmm. Really? Was the Clinton camp ever aware that states such as Minnesota, Nebraska and Kansas choose their delegates through caucuses? Oh, well. All the better for my guy, Obama.

Mistake numero cuatro: Tumulty says that Clinton, “relied on old money.”

This means that Bill’s old, fat check writing donors chucked in a handsome lot of cash for Hillary’s campaign. The law puts a 2,300 dollar allowance on these donations, and it is not to be exceeded. While Clinton was running low on funds, Obama was laughing all the way to the bank. Senator Obama’s campaign has raised upwards of 100 million dollars online, which is more than half of its total, thanks to the 800,000 people who had signed up on his website. The Clintons were forced to dig into their own pockets to keep going. HA!

Mistake numero cinco: Tumulty says, “She never counted on a long haul.”

This means simply that Hillary Clinton was so fucking full of herself, she never stopped to consider the fact that there are some people in this country who think she is a stupid bitch; nor did she consider the fact that Barack Obama could be a serious threat to her. Let this be a lesson learned, Senator. One should never count their chicks before the eggs have hatched. I’m not even a fucking farmer, and I know that!

Editors Note: Pammy used to be a Lesbian…

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