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Archive for alcoholism

louis | Suicide is Painful…

my knees hurt. the arthritis foundation wants money. the surgeons. recommend i get a new job.
my doctor recommends i go back to work.
i cant walk around the block.
one morning
my knees hurt
dreadful
my moans dont wake the wife
i call the mental health clinic
its too early
i push 1..1 is the suicide button
the rest is a blur
i am in my first psychiatric ward
i cry cry cry
i cant see thru the tears
5 days 5 days 5 days
what happened to 72 hour observation?
i make friend. i love mentally ill people.
i demand to be released when a homicidal maniac enters the ward and takes my room
i have to share a room with an apnea blast furnace
i demand freedom.
i wind up in the senior ward and i am medicated enough to hijack karaoke night for two hours.
i am singing ” white wedding” by billy idol when they pull the plug.
retreat to my room with diaper man and a great wall of concrete feces
all the smells the accompany white wedding diaper blocks of the great block of the senior ward and a mattress that smells like urine.
i’m not bagging on seniors. one day i hope to make a psychiatric ward smell that way.
the next day i demand to see the authorities and they are dismayed by the way i can weave facts and fiction into the kinds of headlines the might snatch some attention.
i am returned to the ward from which i came.
the whole ordeal was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life.
i need pills and booze and i am much better at talking the talk with mental patients that i meet here and there.
i have a new audience.
of course this is an outline
a sketch from the bracelet makers everywhere

THE REAL ALCOHOLIC (non puking)

Alcoholic Man

The craving that an alcoholic feels for alcohol can be as strong as the need for food or water. An alcoholic will continue to drink despite serious family, health, or legal problems.


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Louis | bumping up against it |

BoozeBelt

memorial day part deux.

i started drinking again last memorial day. i stopped yesterday (this memorial day).
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i’m sorry – It’s alright

i’m sorry
14, 2009

but you were in a movie
that was about drunks
that was in la
your sponsor was a long tak=lker
a nine minute speaker meeting
the most important person in the room
the most i,mportant
personality
in the
room
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madd dog hooker (hell 3)

all you had to do was buy her a short dog, a shorty of 20/20.
its a fortified wine. that means that alcohol had been added to it.
she was 53 years old, and would take it up the ass.

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the valium she dropped and the crank flashlight

yeah, that’s right. a crank flashlight.
if you happen to live in a meth mega-center, a crank flashlight might sound like a flashlight that a tweaker must carry to look for things in the night.
things that go bump in the night. like a face. looking through binoculars and what do i see? other binoculars looking back at me.
i quit speed over ? years ago. its my little secret.
but valiums………….now that’s another story. Read the rest of this entry »

Off the wagon…

totally-drunkits kinda like what they say. 1 drink and then its ticking like the telltale heart. the bottle on top of the fridge. i tend the garden on a gift of a day off and my wife comes home from work expecting a corpse on the couch.
i used thick branches to border my beans. its very artistic.
i’m awake and she’s happy. i enjoyed 2 ounces of jim beam while i sweated the new but familiar alcoholic sweat. i moved dirt, weeded, created borders and mowed the front yard.
the funny thing is the day after drinking. the tailgaiters arent so close. the buttwads just ruin their own lives, my iq drops and my insight wanes.
bruce cockburn articulated it well…. the clarity of light, vs. the charity of night. its a barnburner, and for years i supported the clarity of light.
it wanes like the moon. right now its the charity of night. my wife went to bed angry. dont they all eventually. its my shit now.
i’ve seen too much. its my shit now.

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